I always talk about femininity. I even give warnings. Femininity is not about being a woman or even sexy. It is whole another blend of knowledge. It is the set of characteristics that are present in every woman's essence, but to come out in the open, still requires cancelling out the patterns or fears that she created all by herself.
Many a times I got the following respnse when I invited very successful and pretty women to my workshops: "My dear Seda, I can write the book of femininity. But somehow I'm not lucky enough or men are not good enough for me."
This sentence is not true. A woman may look very feminine, be pretty and sexy; she may attract the attention of many men, she may start a lot of relationships. But none of these make her feminine. For that reason, men avoid this type of women. They always instinctively fight them. Further, the true meaning of a relationship is for the man and woman to learn how to become one, not to fight. The story I shall relate below is a small excerpt from a lengthy life story that I tell in my workshops.
The story goes that after the Eves and Adams were thrown into the earth, the neolithic era has begun. A group of men and women looked at each other. Now they had to start a brand new life, adjust to the life on earth, and so on. What is there to do? They have to carry on the seed and start families. To do that, they have to reproduce.
Nature protected women. She gave them the duty of pregnancy and bearing children. The women therefore became biologically more sturdy and emotionally stronger and more patient. So the men were left with protecting the family outside, fighting if necessary, and hunting and feeding the family. They were thus equipped with muscle power and aggressive traits.
And when mother nature began to do her job, men and women started to pair up with each other. It's all good until this point. So, who do you think picked who? Did men pick women or did women, men? I asked this question in many of my workshops. A few ladies who had a traditional, patrimonial Turkish background told me that men pick put the women. The case being, first the man likes the woman, he takes the first step and made a move to gain intimacy.
The rest of the women told me that women select men. But when I asked "So do you choose or are you being chosen?" many responded as follows:
"-Of course I choose.
-Why?
-Because many men try and woo me. Among them I pick the one I like the most. I eliminate those who are not appropriate.
-And did you every suffer because of love?
-Like crazy.
-So if you picked the right guy in the right way, why do you think you suffered?
-I figured out way down the line that this guy wasn't right for me. I couldn't tell at first. He didn't reveal his true self in the beginning."
Sound familiar? A real woman knows easily if a man is right for her. In order to understand this, she has to be applying the right flirt techniques. From the very beginning of the relationship onwards, if she can apply the flirt techniques, she will be giving out certain messages to the guy. In that phase, a dialogue takes place between the subconsciouses of the man and woman. When the woman does the right type of flirting, she conveys the message that "I am a woman to fall in love with." The man gets it very well. If he is not responding to the flirt game right, it means that he is saying, "I don't want to fall in love just yet." If he responds to the flirting correctly, he means, "I can fall in love with you too."
A real woman will read the game very carefully in this phase. Before devoting her feelings to this man, she reads the subscript of his actions. She makes sure that this man is right for her. It is only after that she opens up her body and heart to him.
What does all this mean? It is not possible to convey all the right flirting techniques in these articles, it would take too long. But a real woman should be able to analyze the man she is dealing with very well. In doing this, experience goes a long way. Usually, in the phase where the woman is about to get emotionally attached, she puts him in a hypnosis. In the very beginning of relationship, the man is in hypnosis. Especially if the sex isn't there yet. In this phase, the woman should be able to program the man to love.
After they have sex, the female party lets her feelings be known and now she is the hypnosed party. This time around, the male party starts to dictate his terms and conditions. This is in fact meant to create a mutual balance. But it is very hard for the modern man and woman who have fear- and pattern-laden emotional systems to strike this balance. More often than not, couples end up with inner conflicts.
In some cases, though, women don't wait to fully experience sex in order to fall in love or to have a crush. If she doesn't have any experience with sex, this may be just a kiss. If she is familiar enough with sex and she is in a position to weigh up the man in question, then it means that she has an advantage. At this point, she doesn't fall in love on little or no information. Even though this is frowned upon in the society, in fact, it is an experience that takes women to the right choices.
Let's come to the difference between selecting and being selected.
A real woman pours her heart into the right guy. That is, she doesn't fall in love before being sure of the man and making sure that she can make him fall in love. She doesn't open up her life, feelings, and her body. First she sees that she can put the relationship into the mold she desires, and then makes a move. And the best part about it is, the woman draws the boundaries of the relationship. And so the woman selects.
That is, if she is a real woman.
Because, she has to consider very carefully for whom she is going to bear a child. Once she gives birth, she can never part with that man, until the end of her life. Even if they separate, she always has to see the father of her child, and therefore the relationship will never end.
I wish the right choices in relationships for each and every one of you.
With love,
Seda Diker