"Enough is enough, I want a real man who protects me, who owns up to me, who makes me feel like a real woman. I have never seen anyone as cowardly, speech-impaired, weak as you all are?!"
The young woman was crying in the trance. She had been with three guys so far. In every one of them, the relationship had abruptly ended on the way to marriage. They all left her.
She was a very sweet person. She was pretty and strong. She had a career and had received a good education. When she joined my workshop, she knew what she wanted. She told me, "I'm afraid of being alone. I guess that's why I attract the guys who will leave me."
That day in the workshop, we worked for a long time. A few months passed. But we still hadn't got to any results. When she made another appointment with me, this time I listened to the story of her relationships. Something strange grabbed my attention.
Those who have attended my workshops know that a real woman is not chosen by men, she chooses her man. Because she will bear him a child in the future. And once children arrive, her ties with that man will last for life. Even if they get a divorce one day, they will have to get together for the children. So, the woman has to pick her man very carefully. There is only one golden rule for this choice, and it is to use the right flirting techniques to see if there is potential in there to turn this relationship into love before completely letting on her feelings. Until she is certain of this, the woman keeps up with her social flirting, she doesn't concentrate on one man only.
This young lady didn't choose, she was being chosen. It seemed like the reason was her fear of losing. But when we went a little deeper, it turned out that the problem was very different.
She had a very passive father. She couldn't rely on him throughout her childhood. He didn't like responsibility; he only made the money and brought it home. To top it off, he was stingy. Her mother was stronger. She was authoritative. She raised her daughter with a lot of criticism. She liked control; she didn't think anyone was good enough.
Being a perfectionist is very dangerous, dear Readers. For you can' be a perfect person. It's not possible. For that reason, those who have this expectation can never be happy. We have to be able to accept ourselves and others as they are.
The little girl grew up witnessing her critical, authoritative mother criticize her passive and irresponsible father. She felt angry inside. In her little heart, she developed distrust towards her dad. It would be against social norms to express her feelings to her dad. She had to be a good daughter. In her soul, though, her anger and the type of reactions she could never openly express were trapped.
In time, these feelings were repressed, adopting negative belief patterns instead. She wrote these sentences in her subconscious: "All men are passive and weak. I have to be strong."
Since this was the belief in her subconscious, the rule of attraction always brought her weak and passive men. They were all weak. They liked to criticize. Just like her dad, they avoided responsibility. And the young woman, as if wanting to take her anger towards her dad out on them, she was controlling and authoritative with them. While she was trying to change them, she was actually subtly trying to change her father instead. There was only one way of changing this vicious cycle: letting her live out in the trance the reactions towards her mother and father that she kept repressing in real life. No matter what, making sure that she unleashed herself; let go of social norms.
Of course, not all children with a weak-dad-strong-mom model give the same reaction. Due to the strong love towards her dad, the little girl might develop anger towards her mother. For instance, they may be women who, attracting weak men into their lives, belittle themselves in front of these men. These women tolerate weak men, rendering themselves passive and small. They demonstrate to their mothers the behaviors they have never seen them demonstrate by attracting men like their fathers into their lives. In doing this, the basic instinct is to protect the father from the mother.
Feminine men have no power. A strong man is one who takes her woman under his wings. If need be, he will fight for her outside. He gives her compassion. He respects the femininity of his woman, because he knows that she has to become one with it.
Feminine men choose strong women. Because they always see themselves as weak. They have no self-esteem. So, they are threatened by the power of the woman they have handpicked and relentlessly criticize her. Instead of protecting her, they fight with her. Those who have an authoritarian mother don't perform well sexually. But instead of accepting it, they prefer to prove themselves in terms of work and career.
They are perfectionists because they were raised with relentless criticism as children. The pattern "I'm incapable" or "I'm unsuccessful" prevents them from connecting with their own feelings. Some of them have great education and careers, too.
Interestingly, feminine men are not very handy with repair work. They don't even like it.
Who attracts feminine men? Masculine women, of course. All women whose femininity has been repressed, who have a career, are strong but are not able to experience their sexuality share the same fate, and it is attracting this type of weak men into their lives. When these men lean on them, they accept the situation without further ado.
If you have a man like this, you should turn and look into yourself. You should learn what being a woman means, and very carefully examine the real feelings you have when you cannot be feminine. And you should know that the frustration, guilt, and pity that you have repressed and forgotten in your childhood lies beneath these feelings. Everything changes when these feelings surface in trance, using a particular technique.
We used to think of these traits as the character of the person. Now we know that we act this way due to the complex patterns and commands hidden in our subconscious.
I hope that one day, schools will have curricula that include information on how to clean out subconscious patterns. If that were the case, nobody would project their anger onto somebody else. If everyone grounded their negative feelings, life would be very different. Maybe even wars would end. What do you say?
Remember, there is no vicious cycle that cannot be broken.
With love,
Seda Diker